Past

Can you pay the past back?
Do you see the joy slipping from your eyes
I can I see the past and I remember with a hatred that
wishes it would just disappear
I would not be here so I do not want it to go, but I wish
I could finally see the reap before the sow.
I know it is a lot in life, but I am tired of the lot
The growth is not there and every where I turn I am at the bottom again
No need to rise when the stench and bile pile
up to shove me back to my place
I do not want to keep it here, the pace I keep is enough
to bring a soldier to his knees in front of the mantle
Stop trying to please, to live by the rules, to follow the principles
The who I am created to be may be who I
never wanted to see
Is it evil to think this way? Yes of course
But as the night air stifles my breath I ask where are you?
When is the will the way
Given so much yet so far from the heart of where I wish you'd take me
I fear these words, but I am sick of the darkness cutting through my throat
The aggravation, murderous and harmful
Why did you not stop it? Where are the signs you so carefully place?
Why can I not see? Perhaps the scars you allowed blinded my heart from
the course of your history.
Try letting it go, but I need you to stop telling me and just make it so.