Pressure

Is it the steam rising
The burn in the chest
The clutch of the stomach
Breathing through the pain
Do you really need that one more thing?
Can I stop?
Brain is not able to shut down so the pressure builds
Quit telling me I am not trying
I am here I listen I follow and I do all you request
Then there we go again when I am trying to be me
To follow my dream I am ungrateful
I am not good enough
Let others take the wheel and lead me
I should be the one to put in the time
well perhaps if things had been different
I want to believe the dreams would have been
Given, driven and stoked
Are you proud? Him not he, but what does that matter
for the likes of me?
I am tired of the pressure to conform for you
You are not alone in the loneliness in life, but you have
cornered your own brokeness in the bottom of a can and concrete
Gentleness sometimes helps when you lend a hand
Afraid for berating and losing heart when I am not good enough yet begged
To do more ... I am saddened because I just want to know
what it would feel like to have one in my life who can watch the stars with me

Pissed

Have you ever been so pissed at the world you could not breathe?
A lost soul feeling so defeated when there is greatness happening
around
Trampled, shy and meek have driven me to the ground
When do I stand up and say bleep I am aggravated I am tired
Woe is me, is a pity party I never screech
As no one can fathom why
Neither can I
Great is everything but sometimes I cry out to a hollow world
I feel better for a few days but then you seem to lose my voice
just like the rest of the world
It is lost or falling on deaf ears or ears that have a clock quite unlike my own
Fine just share the timeline
Share a little bit of hope as the tunnel is bleaker and bleaker still
Be still my heart and in the word I look
Again and again I coach the goodness and deny the dark yet the lamplight is going
out
When will these thoughts go out
Not taken on the hearts or minds of others those I hold dear but fear
They see me and that is scary at times I am sure
but they hold on for dear life as I chase and follow flapping
coat tails smacking, attacking and darkened in the lines
I am ready to be free

Past

Can you pay the past back?
Do you see the joy slipping from your eyes
I can I see the past and I remember with a hatred that
wishes it would just disappear
I would not be here so I do not want it to go, but I wish
I could finally see the reap before the sow.
I know it is a lot in life, but I am tired of the lot
The growth is not there and every where I turn I am at the bottom again
No need to rise when the stench and bile pile
up to shove me back to my place
I do not want to keep it here, the pace I keep is enough
to bring a soldier to his knees in front of the mantle
Stop trying to please, to live by the rules, to follow the principles
The who I am created to be may be who I
never wanted to see
Is it evil to think this way? Yes of course
But as the night air stifles my breath I ask where are you?
When is the will the way
Given so much yet so far from the heart of where I wish you'd take me
I fear these words, but I am sick of the darkness cutting through my throat
The aggravation, murderous and harmful
Why did you not stop it? Where are the signs you so carefully place?
Why can I not see? Perhaps the scars you allowed blinded my heart from
the course of your history.
Try letting it go, but I need you to stop telling me and just make it so.

Rage Boils On

Does the frustration ever well up in the soul
burn in your insides like a fire that licks away
from your toes to your nose
no real joy to be heard even thought it is seen
Feeling it is only in the mind
Your stomach is full of the rage as it seethes
Boils and toils in your nostrils your ears
consuming destroying
the thoughts are there to take a semi to the stop with one
hand to have the power surging through your fingertips
can you feel it?
Does it ever go away? The morning sun is hopeless when
the night candle burns a dark fire
A wick eaten and consumed with no oxygen left in your lungs
burning, yearning, a desire that cannot be satiated.
Anger, pure and evil, Red and Hot and Angry again, again, again,
You thrive on the thoughts of the past, the hatred the embarrassment
The lost dreams. Dreams not deferred just buried in the sin of life
The daily grind and pressure. You want to be everything to everyone until
Hughes words are bursting  and festering
It simply cannot be undone for it has won
The darkness is alone and the rage, boils on and on and on and on
On and on into the night until you just have to let it go.